The Art of Selflessness

 

What leads a woman to shelter, adopt and raise as many as 69 children?  How do you get to the point where you are more concerned with the life of a stranger than your own?  What prompted these 11 individuals to alter the course of their lives for the good of people around them?

We all know what it means to be selfless.  In fact, I would guess that almost all of us act selflessly at times.  At the right moments, under the proper circumstances, we decide to put others interests ahead of our own.  We pause and allow a car to enter the flow of traffic ahead of us.  We hand a few dollars to a stranger.  We put aside personal plans to be with a grieving friend.   We all act selflessly at times.

But, there is a vast gulf between a selfless act and a selfless lifestyle.  So, what is it that leads some people to purposefully place the interests of others ahead of their own…on a daily basis?

I don’t know that we can pinpoint the answer to that question.  But, there is some evidence that we are hardwired to pursue lives of selfless generosity.  It’s only after we’ve had time to rationalize that we end up acting selfishly.  It’s only after our initial impulses die down that we are hesitant to help others.

I’ve realized recently that there is a true art to living selflessly.  After years and years (and years) of mental training to seek my own interests, I can rapidly assess a situation and determine what is best for me.  Within milliseconds, I can override my hardwiring for generosity and choose to ignore those around me.  In fact, I make these decisions hundreds of times a day…to the point where I subconsciously and unintentionally choose my good over everything else.

What that means is that if I am going to live a selfless life…if I am going to live the way that I’m hardwired to live…I have to intentionally re-develop this skill in my life.  It takes work.  It’s a craft of looking of others through a different lens.  It’s an art of listening to others carefully and more importantly, listening to God carefully.  From that point, it involves the work of rewiring our brains.  Over time, these intentional, prayerful acts of selflessness become a habit.

As a result, we contribute to human flourishing and we live the selfless lives that we were created to live.

Over the last few years, we have begun to really comprehend the powerful benefits of a tool called the Generosity Ladder.  The Ladder not only helps us identify where we currently stand with our motivations, but it also gives us an idea of what to expect as we begin to live selflessly.  Rewiring our brains takes time and intentionality.  It takes swallowing pride and making some tough decisions.  But, as you can see from the Ladder below, the end results lead back to the place where God wanted us to be all along (dwelling in His kingdom with a clear view of the generous King).

 

Let’s get really practical with this.  Since the Generosity Ladder paints a picture of what an intentionally selfless life looks like, let’s use it to our advantage.  Here are some simple solutions to start moving up the Ladder and practicing the art of selflessness.

1. Plot your current position on the Ladder.  And if you’re a church leader, you may want to plot your church’s current place on the Ladder.  (For help identifying where people in your church stand on the Ladder, contact us to find out about the Generosity Assessment).

2. Identify someone who hangs out on a higher rung of the Ladder than you.  We all have people in our lives that we would identify as incredibly selfless and generous.  It may be a parent, friend or someone in your church.  These people can be great catalysts to help you move toward selfless, generous living.  After you identify them, position yourself to spend time with them.  Allow them to mentor you.  Ask questions about what pushed them in this direction.  Further, share your struggles and successes with them.  Selfless generosity always works better in community!  Be teachable and allow their example to pull you up the Ladder.

3.   Use the Ladder as a “what to expect” guide.  You may not experience the motivations listed on every single rung, but you will hit significant growth points and recognize many of these motivations in your own life as you aim at being an imitator of God’s humble selflessness.

4. Start praying now for God’s help in this matter.  Then start listening to Him and watching for opportunities to act selflessly today.