Is maintaining a Christ-centered home fundamental to a good Christian marriage?

The panel first suggested that newlyweds should establish and maintain a Christ-centered home. Everything rests on that foundation. If a young husband and wife are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy enormous advantages over a family with no spiritual dimension.

Prayer

A meaningful prayer life is essential in maintaining a Christ-centered home. Of course, some people use prayer the way they follow their horoscopes, attempting to manipulate an unidentified “higher power.” One of my friends teasingly admits that he utters a prayer each morning on the way to work when he passes the doughnut shop. He knows it is unhealthy to eat the greasy pastries, but he loves them dearly. Therefore, he asks the Lord for permission to indulge himself each day.

He’ll say, “If it is Your will that I have a doughnut this morning, let there be a parking space available as I circle the block.” If no spot can be found for his car, he circles the block and prays again.

Shirley and I have taken our prayer life a bit more seriously. In fact, this communication between man, woman, and God has been the stabilizing factor throughout our forty-plus years of married life. In good times, in hard times, in moments of anxiety, and in periods of praise, we have shared this wonderful privilege of talking directly to our heavenly Father. What a concept. No appointment is needed to enter into His presence. We don’t have to go through His subordinates or bribe His secretaries. He is simply there, whenever we bow before Him. Some of the highlights of my life have occurred in these quiet sessions with the Lord.

Ding-a-Lings

At one point, shortly after Danae earned her driver’s license, Shirley and I covenanted between us to pray for our son and daughter at the close of each day. Not only were we concerned about the risk of an automobile accident, but we were also aware of so many other dangers that lurk out there in a city like Los Angeles, where we lived at the time. That part of the world is known for its weirdos, ding-a-lings, and fruitcakes. That’s one reason we found ourselves on our knees each evening, asking for divine protection for the teenagers we loved so much.

One night we were particularly tired and collapsed into bed without our benedictory prayer. We were almost asleep before Shirley’s voice pierced the night. “Jim,” she said. “We haven’t prayed for our kids yet today. Don’t you think we should talk to the Lord?”

I admit it was very difficult for me to pull my six-foot two-inch frame out of the warm bed that night. Nevertheless, we got on our knees and offered a prayer for our children’s safety, placing them in the hands of the Father once more.

Later we learned that Danae and a girlfriend had gone to a fast-food establishment and bought hamburgers and Cokes. They had driven up the road a few miles and were sitting in the car eating the meal when a city policeman drove by, shining his spotlight in all directions. He was obviously looking for someone, but gradually went past.

A few minutes later, Danae and her friend heard a clunk from under the car. They looked at one another nervously and felt a sharp bump. Before they could leave, a man crawled out from under the car and emerged on the passenger side. He was very hairy and looked like he had been on the street for weeks. The man immediately came to the door and attempted to open it. Thank God, it was locked. Danae quickly started the car and drove off … no doubt at record speed.

When we checked the timing of this incident, we realized that Shirley and I had been on our knees at the precise moment of danger. Our prayers were answered. Our daughter and her friend were safe!

The Fabric of Family Life

It is impossible for me to overstate the need for prayer in the fabric of family life. Not simply as a shield against danger, of course. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of marriage, giving meaning and purpose to every dimension of living. Being able to bow in prayer as the day begins or ends gives expression to frustrations and concerns, which might not otherwise be ventilated. On the other end of that prayer line is a loving heavenly Father who has promised to hear and answer our petitions. In this day, when families are disintegrating on every side, we dare not try to make it on our own.

Couples who have not found a common faith are often left in a vulnerable position. One such lady wrote the following letter to me after her husband had left her:

Dear Dr. Dobson:

My husband recently left me after fifteen years of marriage. We had a great physical, emotional, and intellectual relationship. But something was missing … we had no spiritual bond between us.

Please tell young couples that there will always be a void in their lives together without Christ. A good marriage must have its foundation in Him in order to experience lasting love, peace, and joy.

Since my husband walked out on me, I have tried to rebuild my relationship with God. I am now growing steadily in my walk with the Lord, but I am alone.

There is a great truth in this sad letter. The couple that depends on Scripture for solutions to the stresses of living has a distinct advantage over the family with no faith. The Bible they love is the world’s most incredible text. It was written by thirty-nine authors who spoke three separate languages and lived in a time frame spanning fifteen hundred years. How miraculous is the work of those inspired writers! If two or three individuals today were to witness a bank robbery, they would probably give conflicting accounts of the incident. Human perception is simply that flawed. Yet those thirty-nine contributors to Scripture, most of whom never even met each other, prepared sixty-six separate books that fit together with perfect continuity and symmetry. The entire Old Testament makes a single statement: “Jesus is coming.” And the New Testament declares: “Jesus is here!”

The Mind of the Father

By reading these Holy Scriptures, we are given a window into the mind of the Father. What an incredible resource! The creator, who began with nothingness and made beautiful mountains and streams and clouds and cuddly little babies, has elected to give us the inside story of the family. Marriage and parenthood were His ideas, and He tells us in His Word how to live together in peace and harmony. Everything from handling money to sexual attitudes is discussed in Scripture, with each prescription bearing the personal endorsement of the King of the universe. Why would anyone disregard this ultimate resource?

Finally, the Christian way of life lends stability to marriage because its principles and values naturally produce harmony. When put into action, Christian teaching emphasizes giving to others, self-discipline, obedience to divine commandments, conformity to the laws of man, and love and fidelity between husband and wife. It is a shield against addictions to alcohol, pornography, gambling, materialism, and other behaviors that could be damaging to the relationship. Is it any wonder that a Christ-centered relationship is the best ground floor for a marriage?

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, that great Soviet dissident, once wrote, “If I were called upon to identify briefly the principal trait of the entire twentieth century, here too I would be unable to find anything more precise and pithy than to repeat once again: Men have forgotten God.”

Don’t let this happen in your home. You probably knelt together and sent a prayer to the Lord during your wedding ceremony. Return to that source daily for strength and stability.