I remember when I was a young pastor in the inner-city of London, being asked some difficult question about a passage in the Old Testament. As I looked at the eager face peering at me, full of hope that I would be able to shed wisdom and light in the darkness, I realised that I had no idea how to answer the question. I simply didn’t know, but that isn’t what I said. In a fraction of a second I decided to protect the image of the pastor, keep ministry looking good and maintain for this person that sense of confidence in the Christian leader. So, I threw out a fog, I gave a long and twisting answer that alluded to the Hebrew context and the scholars view. The enquirer left with no more insight regarding the question but in the knowledge that the pastor had a deep understanding of something or the other, not sure what!

Looking back, I now know that I was not only dishonest with the enquirer but with myself. My higher cause of protection was not really about images of Christian leaders but about my own image. I was quite simply protecting myself and how I was being viewed. Over the years, working with countless leaders around the world, I realise that I am not alone. Many leaders put out a smoke screen for fear that they will be discovered. We now call it ‘living on the persona’, that public self presentation that we want others to experience. It takes immense energy to live on your persona instead of living in congruence with who you really are. Some of the stress and pressure of leadership is found right here!

There is blessedness to living at peace with yourself instead of engaging with this projection. At the heart of the problem, I believe, is the issue of identity. Many Christian leaders merge themselves with the role of leadership as an identity instead of a role. This leads to the need to pretend, to perpetuate a false view of leaders. The late Dr Louis McBurney wrote about Christian leaders as a third sex, since no one could believe they were simply human.  When Christian leaders allow themselves to be placed on pedestals two things happen:

People are distanced from these semi-godlike figures and they find it difficult as they measure themselves against this fantasy. They consider themselves ‘ second best’.

For the leader, it is a ‘long drop’. They will, at some time, come crashing down from the dizzy heights and hit the ground of their own reality. Living in rarefied air is damaging to self and others.

Sadly, like my earlier experience, many leaders are hiding from the reality of ‘who they really are’, as if they would not be enough without the image projection. The gospel suggests to us that we are on the one hand not enough and never will be since Sonship and Daughterhood are a gift of grace not a reward for professionalism. On the other hand we are enough since God loves us as we are…….The journey is one of growth and honesty not of hiding and pretending……

Are you a leader hiding in your tiring persona?