I’ve talked and talked to my husband about how I’m different from him and how I need him to be sensitive to my needs. Somehow, he just doesn’t “hear” it. I’ve also gotten mad at him about a hundred times. How can I get my feelings across to him?

One very effective way to express your feelings is to paint a word picture. My good friends Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent described this technique in their book The Language of Love. In it, Gary told a story about his wife, who was very frustrated with him. Gary would come home from work and clam up. He had nothing to say all evening. Finally, Norma told him a story about a man who went to breakfast with some friends. He ate a big meal, and then he gathered up some crumbs and put them in a bag. Then he went to lunch with some business associates and ate a big steak. Again, he put a few crumbs in a doggie bag to take with him. Then when he came home that night, he handed his wife the little bag of leftovers.

“That’s what you are doing to me,” said Norma. “All day the children and I wait to talk with you when you get home. But you don’t share yourself with us. After being gone all day, you hand us a doggie bag and turn on the television set.”

Gary said hearing that story was like being hit with a two-by-four. He apologized and began to work on opening himself to his wife and his family.1

Try creating a graphic word picture to communicate your needs to your husband. It is far more effective at getting masculine attention than a torrent of hostile comments.